HOW TO RESPOND WHEN SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU

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As someone who prides herself on the way she nurtures her relationships with those she is close to, a recent comment from a loved one threw me …

‘Sometimes I feel like you don’t make much of an effort with me’. 

 

Hhmm.

Though my ego wanted to scream, ‘What the heck are you talking about? I make SO much effort with you! Are you blind?!’, just out of a ten day Vipassana meditation retreat Che (which you can read about here), took a deep breath.

From a place of compassion and understanding, I said (something along the lines of), ‘Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m sorry you feel that way. I thought I had been putting in effort but clearly you’re not feeling that on your end. I wonder how we can move forward from this together?’

 

 Instead of reacting, I responded, and what a difference it made …

Instead of escalation, there was harmony and love. 

 Instead of ongoing conflict, there was resolution.

Instead of blame, there was understanding.

Instead of regrets and shame, there was pride.

 

I didn’t beat myself up about not being a good enough person and I didn’t blame her for making my feel sh!tty (because only we can make ourselves feel that way!) Instead I acknowledged her experience, accepted the role she felt I played in bringing that to life, and offered peace.

 

Though I could have justified and attempted to convince my love of my efforts, I didn’t see the point.

Because everyone has their own perspective and experience, and that was her Truth. 

Because justification and convincing often come from the ego, not the heart.

Because very often in life, no one is right, and no one is wrong. Everyone brings a lifetime of conditioning to their outlook.

Because sometimes, a person’s interpretation of something has more to do with them, than it does with you.

 

Be honest with yourself sweets – how do you respond when someone says something to you/about you that your ego does not like?

 

Do you respond or react?

Are you next actions from the head, or the heart?

Do you act in a way that brings with it regrets, or peace?

 

We all have a choice.

 

With love and compassion,

Che. X